SARAH PALIN RESIGNS TO BECOME WASILLA REAL ESTATE AGENT!

Make your covenant with this beautiful 3-bedroom home just as God did with the house of Israel!  Professionally landscraped yard— amenities include curbside mailbox. Sign stating “This is no longer a meth lab” included.

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“Blessed are the peacemakers” and blessed is the deal you can swing on this fabulous home—large family room, formal dining room, eat-in kitchen and den. Other features include walk-in closets and walk-through walls.

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This two story detached, freestanding home built in 1942 is a home to die for and be born-again!  It has 1.5 bedrooms, 1.2 baths and is approximately 800 sq. ft. when weather permits.

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“Like a wise man who built his house upon the rock” you’ll have lots to be thankful for in this attached townhouse with a formal dining room, community hotplate, ceiling fan, vaulted ceilings, and window treatments (screens). Priced to go faster than the saved during the Rapture!               

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 Go ahead, pass judgment on this house! By outward appearances it has a recently re-landscaped yard, retention pond / jacuzzi. Your soul will be warmed by the huge fireplace in the kitchen / bathroom.

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“He will never permit the righteous to be moved”  UNLESS they see this gorgeous 2-story detached home built in 1932 with a bedroom. Just a short walk to community bathroom.

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You won’t have to covet your neighbor’s house after you move into this dazzling .5-bedroom home! With nearly 500-sq. ft. of living space, you’ll be the envy of nonbelievers for miles around. Includes a formal dining room, breakfast nook, den/office, and clothes line. Custom cabinetry in the family room that would make the Carpenter of Bethlehem blush.

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“Be patient, therefore, brethren, until the coming of the Lord”—but don’t wait too long!—these premier homes will go fast!

 

Call Sarah Palin’s Fisher of Men Reality today! 666-666-666!

 

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Sarah Palin Rewrote Alaska’s High School Musicals Without a Moose!

 

After becoming Governor of Alaska, one of Sarah Palin’s first acts in office was to make sweeping changes to the state’s education programs, particularly to their extra curricular activities, such as Drama Clubs.

Early this year, “to avoid confusion or initiating any impure thoughts,” Palin recently explained, she issued a memorandum to every high school in the state prohibiting Drama Club students from referring to themselves as ‘thespians’. 

Along with this, Palin also issued an edict requiring every high school’s drama club perform the same itinerary of popular Broadway musicals, which she personally rewrote so that they would reflect her own particular, personal, intrusive, and often meddling Christian viewpoint. 

Scheduled for next fall and spring are:

The Sound of Methuselah     (October 12^th)

Non-Believing Fiddler on the Roof    (November 23^rd)

My Fair Jesus      (December 25^th) 

No, No, Nebuchadnezzar!     (January 15^th)

Little Shop of Herod’s          (February 14^th) 

Beauty and the Mark of the Beast       (March 17^th) 

Oklahomo!        (April 10^th)

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Thousands of “American Flags” Condoms Found Discarded in Trash After GOP Convention.

The Republicans have hit a new low.

Friday morning, the sanitation crew at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport discovered thousands of used, discarded American flag-colored condoms in the men’s room trash bins. The condoms found are sold under the brand name “American Flags”, and are sometimes referred to as ‘Zachary Taylor’s’ by Republican men because that president’s nickname was ‘Old Rough and Ready’.

Reports indicate that moments after John McCain’s acceptance speech Thursday night, throngs of Republican men wearing thongs headed to the airport’s facilities where they engaged numerous ‘wide stance’ activities, including a dance called the “Larry Craig Dropped Pants Shuffle”.

Discarding of American flag motif condoms in this manner violates traditional, patriotic etiquette. Such items are to be burned after use, especially when used by Republicans, due to the likely presence of dangerous contagions.

For shame, Republicans, for shame.

The good news is that these patriotic symbols of the Republican Party were saved by a local Boy Scout troop. The boys will tie the red, white, and blue condoms to tiny sticks so that they can be distributed and waived at the McCain / Palin rally in Colorado Springs later in the week.

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Sarah Palin and Cindy McCain Addicted to Quicker-Picker-Uppers.

From tonight’s Katie Couric interview with Sarah Palin and Cindy McCain:

 

Couric: “I understand that you both share a secret you’d like to share with the American people because the National Enquirer is about to expose it anyway…”

 

Cindy: “That’s right, Katie, ah, during the trials and tribulations of being on the campaign trail year after year with John, a man who at times leaves his own trail and who is regularly irregular in his briefs, I admit that I became addicted to quicker-picker-uppers.

 

Sarah: “Me, too, but in my case it was because I had to not only run the largest state in the known universe, but also clean up after so many children. Y’know, being mayor of a small, insignificant, podunk town is kinda like being a moose, except the moose wears lipstick…wait, I think I got that wrong – where’s that speech the White House wrote for me?”

 

Couric: “It’s Ok, I’m sure all of the Republican women of America understood what you meant.”

 

Cindy: “And since Sarah and I have been campaigning together, many Republican wives and mothers often ask us, ‘How the heck can we remove foreign substances from our national fabrics?’ ”

 

Couric: “Fascinating. And what do you tell them?”

 

Sarah: “Well, I’ll tell you; whether caused by the newborn baby, the moose you just field-dressed in the living room, or worse, the illegal immigrant with an irritable bowl, there are occasions when a wife / mother / mayor / governor / hunter-gatherer must deal with problems that can’t be handled by a damp rag alone, so you’ve got to reach for those paper towels.”

 

Cindy: “Naturally, prevention, such as sharply raising the immigration quotas, is the first step in removing foreign substances. But once those people have crossed the hem, trim, or border of our American garments, we need to ensure they do not stay there. Naturally, I certainly would never correct any of John McCain’s statements—not anymore—I don’t enjoy visiting the hospital—but when he said that the ‘real liberators of American women were not the feminist noise-makers, but the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, and the freezer’, he forgot to mention the super-absorbent paper towel. This simple invention led to the development of the super-absorbent adult diaper. Together these two products have provided a two-pronged defense in the battle against the spots and stains that smear our carpets, fabrics—and especially—my John’s jockey shorts.”

 

Sarah: “Industrial detergents, too, have freed American women. Thirty years ago I habitually had to resign myself to not being able to get my husband’s shorts completely stain free, never being able to return them to the pure white color their creator or manufacturer originally intended. But with the advent of extra strength bleaches and enzyme-based chemical compounds produced by glorious Third Reich scientists, I can now confidently hang his briefs out to dry on the clothes line in Wasilla without embarrassment or fear that a commie God-hating reporter will attempt to sensationalize evidence of normal All-American bodily fluid and solid deportation policies in his shorts via nasty photographs appearing in the Jew-controlled New York Times.”

 

Cindy: “That’s right, Sarah. And America should take a lesson from the natural order of things. If you think of America as a large laundry room, for example, there are coloreds: blacks, browns, yellows; and of course behind them are reds, pastels and twills, and some fabrics that are clearly tainted with a Zionist influence. But none of these should be mixed with whites. Loads of whites-only come out cleaner when washed by themselves. Always keep whites separate.”

 

Sarah: “That’s right, Cindy, and only wash the whites in pure, distilled rainwater from Alaska, Idaho, or Montana. This is because the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodies of fluids—the reservoirs, lakes, rivers, and streams of our great land—has not yet spread it’s Hebrew-financed hand over these regions.”

 

Couric (nodding, then smiles at the camera): “We’ll be right back…”

 

 

What about Willow Palin? Does She Have a ‘Bump’ Too?

 The New Jan Brady.

 

Sarah Palin’s daughters, Bristol, 17; Willow,13; and Piper, 7, are having a difficult time adjusting to the media attention Bristol’s pregnancy has attracted, particularly the middle daughter, Willow.

 

Yesterday, when reporters were attempting to question Bristol, Willow got so exasperated at the lack of attention being paid to her that she whined, “Bristol, Bristol, Bristol!” and stomped away. She returned a few minutes later, pictured above, wearing a black wig and a pillow stuffed under the front of her dress, announcing that she has changed her name to ‘The New Jan Brady’.

 

“Yo mah peeps, don’t be tryin to get all up in my kool aid,” The New Jan Brady said, “yeah, that’s right, I let my boy hit it, so what? Yall be teenage mother hataz fo sho, an you jell-ussss!”

 

Sugarhill Records is considering signing Willow (The New Jan Brady) to a $40M recording contract.