Sarah Palin and Cindy McCain Addicted to Quicker-Picker-Uppers.

From tonight’s Katie Couric interview with Sarah Palin and Cindy McCain:

 

Couric: “I understand that you both share a secret you’d like to share with the American people because the National Enquirer is about to expose it anyway…”

 

Cindy: “That’s right, Katie, ah, during the trials and tribulations of being on the campaign trail year after year with John, a man who at times leaves his own trail and who is regularly irregular in his briefs, I admit that I became addicted to quicker-picker-uppers.

 

Sarah: “Me, too, but in my case it was because I had to not only run the largest state in the known universe, but also clean up after so many children. Y’know, being mayor of a small, insignificant, podunk town is kinda like being a moose, except the moose wears lipstick…wait, I think I got that wrong – where’s that speech the White House wrote for me?”

 

Couric: “It’s Ok, I’m sure all of the Republican women of America understood what you meant.”

 

Cindy: “And since Sarah and I have been campaigning together, many Republican wives and mothers often ask us, ‘How the heck can we remove foreign substances from our national fabrics?’ ”

 

Couric: “Fascinating. And what do you tell them?”

 

Sarah: “Well, I’ll tell you; whether caused by the newborn baby, the moose you just field-dressed in the living room, or worse, the illegal immigrant with an irritable bowl, there are occasions when a wife / mother / mayor / governor / hunter-gatherer must deal with problems that can’t be handled by a damp rag alone, so you’ve got to reach for those paper towels.”

 

Cindy: “Naturally, prevention, such as sharply raising the immigration quotas, is the first step in removing foreign substances. But once those people have crossed the hem, trim, or border of our American garments, we need to ensure they do not stay there. Naturally, I certainly would never correct any of John McCain’s statements—not anymore—I don’t enjoy visiting the hospital—but when he said that the ‘real liberators of American women were not the feminist noise-makers, but the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, and the freezer’, he forgot to mention the super-absorbent paper towel. This simple invention led to the development of the super-absorbent adult diaper. Together these two products have provided a two-pronged defense in the battle against the spots and stains that smear our carpets, fabrics—and especially—my John’s jockey shorts.”

 

Sarah: “Industrial detergents, too, have freed American women. Thirty years ago I habitually had to resign myself to not being able to get my husband’s shorts completely stain free, never being able to return them to the pure white color their creator or manufacturer originally intended. But with the advent of extra strength bleaches and enzyme-based chemical compounds produced by glorious Third Reich scientists, I can now confidently hang his briefs out to dry on the clothes line in Wasilla without embarrassment or fear that a commie God-hating reporter will attempt to sensationalize evidence of normal All-American bodily fluid and solid deportation policies in his shorts via nasty photographs appearing in the Jew-controlled New York Times.”

 

Cindy: “That’s right, Sarah. And America should take a lesson from the natural order of things. If you think of America as a large laundry room, for example, there are coloreds: blacks, browns, yellows; and of course behind them are reds, pastels and twills, and some fabrics that are clearly tainted with a Zionist influence. But none of these should be mixed with whites. Loads of whites-only come out cleaner when washed by themselves. Always keep whites separate.”

 

Sarah: “That’s right, Cindy, and only wash the whites in pure, distilled rainwater from Alaska, Idaho, or Montana. This is because the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodies of fluids—the reservoirs, lakes, rivers, and streams of our great land—has not yet spread it’s Hebrew-financed hand over these regions.”

 

Couric (nodding, then smiles at the camera): “We’ll be right back…”

 

 

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2 responses to “Sarah Palin and Cindy McCain Addicted to Quicker-Picker-Uppers.

  1. You get a 10 out of 10 on this one.

  2. bushgirlsgonewild

    Thanks!

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