Bush names Santa Claus new head of Homeland Security.

In (God only hopes) his last official act of malfeasance (there is still almost 30 days before our national nightmare has ended, so keep both your fingers and toes crossed), George W. Bush has pegged Santa Clause as the Director of Homeland Security.

 

“I think that Santi Clause, being able to sneak into any home, includin’ the White House, is the perfect choice for this position—besides, I think we went to college together, er were in the Texas Air National Guard—I ‘m not sure, ‘cause those days is a little hazy, if you catch my drift, hehehehe,” Bush told reporters. “I thinks that if he could sneak into the White House an’ leave me lots of really neat presents in Laura’s handwritten’ each year, then he could also sneak into the home or cave—whatever—of Obama Bin Laden and finish him off with some piano wire, even though those Muslins don’t believe in no Santi Clause or Baby Jesus.”

 

Bush then broke out into some break-dance moves, hoping above all chances of hope that he would be not remembered as the Liar-Time President.

 

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