Category Archives: TV

SARAH PALIN RESIGNS TO BECOME WASILLA REAL ESTATE AGENT!

home12

Make your covenant with this beautiful 3-bedroom home just as God did with the house of Israel!  Professionally landscraped yard— amenities include curbside mailbox. Sign stating “This is no longer a meth lab” included.

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home11  

“Blessed are the peacemakers” and blessed is the deal you can swing on this fabulous home—large family room, formal dining room, eat-in kitchen and den. Other features include walk-in closets and walk-through walls.

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home12  

This two story detached, freestanding home built in 1942 is a home to die for and be born-again!  It has 1.5 bedrooms, 1.2 baths and is approximately 800 sq. ft. when weather permits.

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home4

“Like a wise man who built his house upon the rock” you’ll have lots to be thankful for in this attached townhouse with a formal dining room, community hotplate, ceiling fan, vaulted ceilings, and window treatments (screens). Priced to go faster than the saved during the Rapture!               

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home51

 Go ahead, pass judgment on this house! By outward appearances it has a recently re-landscaped yard, retention pond / jacuzzi. Your soul will be warmed by the huge fireplace in the kitchen / bathroom.

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 home5

“He will never permit the righteous to be moved”  UNLESS they see this gorgeous 2-story detached home built in 1932 with a bedroom. Just a short walk to community bathroom.

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 home12 

You won’t have to covet your neighbor’s house after you move into this dazzling .5-bedroom home! With nearly 500-sq. ft. of living space, you’ll be the envy of nonbelievers for miles around. Includes a formal dining room, breakfast nook, den/office, and clothes line. Custom cabinetry in the family room that would make the Carpenter of Bethlehem blush.

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“Be patient, therefore, brethren, until the coming of the Lord”—but don’t wait too long!—these premier homes will go fast!

 

Call Sarah Palin’s Fisher of Men Reality today! 666-666-666!

 

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McCain says Palin not just a ‘pretty face’…

John McCain lashed out at critics of his VP pick, Sarah Palin, who have called her ’just another pretty face’.

“My friendssss, war is not pretty–unless you can make war from an airplane while wearing lipstick and a little rouge. When I went into battle, not only did I look pretty, I felt pretty. I wore 100% silk stockings–no nylon for this flyboy, and one of those bullet bras from the fifties. That way, I didn’t feel guilty about what I was doing, because I was dressed like a prom queen on every bombing misson. Some times I even flew while in heels – try landing an A-1 Skyraider on a carrier in the Gulf of Tonken in a typhoon with a garter belt riding up your butt cheeks, a broken bra strap, 4″ stiletto heels that keep slipping off the rudder pedal, and a tiara that won’t stay on straight! Let’s see Mr. big man Obama hold his war face under those conditions! I smell cheese! What day is it? You kids stay off my dog—”

He was then suddenly rushed away by ’senior advisors’ dressed as nurses.

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10,000 Mickey Mouses Cast Votes in Orlando, Florida.

Just as the Right Wing Nuts predicted, voter fraud is rampant in Florida today.

 

In addition to the 10,000 Mickey’s, exit polls show that nearly 10 million Dumbo’s will vote for John McCain, and 15 million Elmer Fudd’s for Palin.

 

With this sudden and surprising shift to McCain among Disney cartoon characters, John McCain immediately seized the opportunity to get them to vote: “My cartoon friends,” McCain told a rally of cardboard cutouts of Disney characters he hastily assembled for reporters, “Senator Obama is just like ‘Jafar’ in Disney’s 1992 movie, Aladdin. And he is bent on the destruction of Snow White’s all across this great country.”

 

Campaign ‘aides’ dressed as nurses then subdued McCain and led him away.

 

It is now rumored that Oliver Stone is set to direct a Disney movie about the McCain / Palin campaign tentatively titled, “An Extremely Goofy Campaign”. Sarah Palin will be portrayed by Cruella De Vil, while the part of John McCain will be played by Scrooge McDuck.

 

 

“The reason the Republicans found Joe the Plumber was to find someone hanging around a toilet other than Larry Craig.”

Thanks for that laugh, James Carville!

Mickey Mouse Denounces ACORN.

After the 80-year-old Disney star’s name was found on an ACORN voter registration list, Mickey Mouse held a press conference denouncing the ACORN organization as giant vote fraud scheme.

 

“Ah, Hi!” Mickey said to reporters, “I’m here to tell all of you boys and girls that Mickey is voting for John McCain! Yeeah! ACORN claimed it signed me up to vote, but it’s not true – it’s all a scheme to steal the election. I’m voting for John McCain ‘cause Sarah Palin’s got a nice ass.”

 

Mickey was joined by five of the Seven Dwarfs in a show at a McCain / Palin rally this morning. On stage were Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleazy (who recently changed his name from Sleepy to reflect his support of the Republican presidential campaign).

 

In exchange for the five Dwarfs support, Sarah Palin gave them all a special treat. All at the same time. This broke Sarah’s personal record–for dwarfs. She also promised to name her next five children after them, which wasn’t really that big of a deal because she was going to do that anyway.

 

The other two remaining Seven Dwarfs, Doc (who’s educated) and Happy, are both Obama supporters.

 

With this sudden and surprising jump in the polls among Disney cartoon characters, John McCain immediately rolled out his typical Pander Express stump speech (with just a hint of racism): “My cartoon friends,” McCain told a rally of cardboard cutouts of Disney characters he hastily assembled for reporters, “Senator Obama is just like ‘Jafar’ in your creator’s 1992 movie, Aladdin. And he is bent on the destruction of Snow White’s all across this great land.”

 

Campaign ‘aides’ dressed as nurses then subdued McCain and led him away.

 

It is now rumored that Oliver Stone is set to direct a Disney movie about the McCain / Palin campaign tentatively titled, “An Extremely Goofy Campaign”. Sarah Palin will be portrayed by Cruella De Vil, while the part of John McCain will be played by Scrooge McDuck.

McCain on Palin (not figuratively): “So She’s Just Another Pretty Face? We Are All Pretty Faces Now!”

John McCain lashed out at critics of his VP pick, Sarah Palin, who have called her ’just another pretty face’.

“My friendssss, war is not pretty–unless you can make war from an airplane while wearing lipstick and a little rouge. When I went into battle, not only did I look pretty, I felt pretty. I wore 100% silk stockings–no nylon for this flyboy, and one of those bullet bras from the fifties. That way, I didn’t feel guilty about what I was doing, because I was dressed like a prom queen on every bombing misson. Some times I even flew while in heels – try landing an A-1 Skyraider on a carrier in the Gulf of Tonken in a typhoon with a garter belt riding up your butt cheeks, a broken bra strap, 4″ stiletto heels that keep slipping off the rudder pedal, and a tiara that won’t stay on straight! Let’s see Mr. big man Obama hold his war face under those conditions! I smell cheese! What day is it? You kids stay off my dog—”

He was then suddenly rushed away by ’senior advisors’ dressed as nurses.

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Serial Killer: “I’ll Vote for McCain if it Kills You.”

The murder trial of Dale Shawn Hausner, 35, charged with being one of Arizona’s most prolific serial killers and responsible for dozens of grisly murders, was to begin this Wednesday. However, Hausner’s attorney, Robert DeNial, argued a motion to delay the trial so that Hausner, a life-long Republican, can watch the GOP Convention without interruption from his jail cell in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men, State Farm Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona.

“Although I have lived what one might call a ‘checkered past’ lately, I have been a loyal Republican all my life, and as such I am a God-fearing ‘Merican who wants to hear John McCain and Sarah Palin’s plans for how they will stop illegal immigrants from burning American flags at Gay Pride marches. And I’d like to be released so that I can be one of the other hockey-masked MoFo’s who shouts death to Obama from my pussy seat in the backrow, hidden from the light of day”

The judge listen to both Hausner’s pleas and DeNail’s arguments, carefully considered the motion, and then replied, “OK then.”

Hausner also tried after his arrest on 11 charges of murder to help in the McCain campaign, calling from his jail cell and explaining his circumstances to a McCain campaign aide.

“I tried to volunteer, but the guy at the McCain campaign headquarters in Tempe said they weren’t that desperate yet, that I’d have to wait until next week, but that I could donate a few bucks as long as it couldn’t be proven that the money came from any of my victims. Damn lawyers screwed me again.”

The McCain campaign denied rumors that they are considering dumping Sarah Palin and replacing her with Hausner. “Like I told Hausner,” a McCain spokeperson told reporters, “we’ll see how the polls go next week, then decide what’s best for America. Hausner would help us get the State Hospital inmate vote, that’s for sure.”

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