My Surf City News: Stupid Republicans

FROM Orange County, CA: 

The county will put up $1.5 million to clean an oil spill in Huntington Beach, California (‘Surf City USA’) that contaminated 1.8 miles of the flood control channel in January.

Orange County Public Works on Monday released a report saying the county will look to be reimbursed by the federal Environmental Protection Agency for cleanup efforts after a petroleum spill was discovered on Jan. 22.

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Then came a post from ‘olsrfbum’: “The county should just send a detailed cost invoice to the oil company and they will pay it without a bunch of public debate.”

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My response: “BHWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Odds are the company will have their lawyers tell the county to sue, which will take 2 years to clear the court.

Do you know that the Exxon company has still not paid $1 in the Exxon-ValSlease oil spill?

Yes, my dear child, in the land of candy rainbows and clowns made of ice cream, companys always admit to fault.”

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-That’s all folks.

SARAH PALIN RESIGNS TO BECOME WASILLA REAL ESTATE AGENT!

Make your covenant with this beautiful 3-bedroom home just as God did with the house of Israel!  Professionally landscraped yard— amenities include curbside mailbox. Sign stating “This is no longer a meth lab” included.

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“Blessed are the peacemakers” and blessed is the deal you can swing on this fabulous home—large family room, formal dining room, eat-in kitchen and den. Other features include walk-in closets and walk-through walls.

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This two story detached, freestanding home built in 1942 is a home to die for and be born-again!  It has 1.5 bedrooms, 1.2 baths and is approximately 800 sq. ft. when weather permits.

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“Like a wise man who built his house upon the rock” you’ll have lots to be thankful for in this attached townhouse with a formal dining room, community hotplate, ceiling fan, vaulted ceilings, and window treatments (screens). Priced to go faster than the saved during the Rapture!               

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 Go ahead, pass judgment on this house! By outward appearances it has a recently re-landscaped yard, retention pond / jacuzzi. Your soul will be warmed by the huge fireplace in the kitchen / bathroom.

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“He will never permit the righteous to be moved”  UNLESS they see this gorgeous 2-story detached home built in 1932 with a bedroom. Just a short walk to community bathroom.

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You won’t have to covet your neighbor’s house after you move into this dazzling .5-bedroom home! With nearly 500-sq. ft. of living space, you’ll be the envy of nonbelievers for miles around. Includes a formal dining room, breakfast nook, den/office, and clothes line. Custom cabinetry in the family room that would make the Carpenter of Bethlehem blush.

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“Be patient, therefore, brethren, until the coming of the Lord”—but don’t wait too long!—these premier homes will go fast!

 

Call Sarah Palin’s Fisher of Men Reality today! 666-666-666!

 

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Next McCain Choice: Larry Craig as Secretary of the Interior.

In an even more stunning move this morning, after selecting Sarah Palin as VP, senator John McCain announced his choice of Larry Craig as Secretary of the Interior.

McCain made the selection after running into Larry in the Men’s Room at the Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport, where Larry was spread eagle over the Diaper Changing Station.

“Larry assures us that he’s had a lot of experience in interiors”, McCain told reporters, “and vice-versa. I’m not sure what he meant by that, but I’m sure I’ll hear about it next time I’m on the Tonight Show. Also, Larry’s obviously good at keeping secrets, even from his wife, so that’ll help this fall when we plan to secretly sell oil leases on government land to the oil companiesssss…….…oops. Please disregard that last statement, my friends.”

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Sarah Palin: Forrest Gump of the Last Frontier.

First, my advice to Sarah Palin: DON’T MAKE CINDY’S MISTAKE!

Senator John McCain, GOP Presidential candidate, called a press conference this morning to announce Sarah Palin, a former fisherwoman from Alaska, will be his Vice Presidential running mate.

What’s unusual about his choice, other than Palin having no experience at anything but catching rainbow trout with a large net, is the stern warning McCain gave her regarding how she should question McCain’s policies and decisions should they become elected in November.

In short, she isn’t to.

McCain made it very clear to her in front of reporters that he will not accept any “back talk”, as he put it, from her in any form whatsoever.

“My friend, my Vice President to be, let me make myself perfectly clear. There will be no insubordination on my ship, ya fallaw? My wife Cindy made that mistake once, and she subsequently ‘ran into a door’ – if you catch my drift. So unless you want to follow in her footsteps and spend a lot of time consulting with Señor Percocet Vicodin, you’d better straighten up and fly right, stay on course, and KEEP YOUR F%@$#& GOD#^%@ NOSE CLEAN, YOU F^%#*#& C&@^!”

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