Category Archives: palin fashion

Palin: “Cowards and Jerks and Meannies” O My!

Caribou Klaus Barbie is now whining about what McCain staffers are saying about her.

 

Well, welcome to the National Republican Party, Sarah! You fit Reich in.

 

“They are a bunch of Blue Meanies!” Palin told reporters. “So I spent some money? Big F’ing deal! TOOOOOOOODD!!! MAKE THEM STOP!!! I HOPE GOD BLESSES YOU ALL WITH STOMACH CANCER!!!” 

 

Palin then ran away, wearing Gucci Royal Mid Heel Pumps, available at all Neocon Marcus stores, $495.00.

 

This morning, McCain campaigners also revealed additional items Palin spent money on:

 

Silk G-string underwear (for Todd): $5,000

Solid gold ice hockey goalie mask: $12,000

Electric sled-dog polisher: $26,000

 

Watching the Retardicans self-implode: Priceless.

 

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Sarah Palin’s ‘Pit-Bull with Lipstick’ Collection at Walmart.

After Obama and Biden have won the election, and before she returns to Artic Circle anonymity, Sarah Palin will be approached by Wal-Mart to develop a fashion and accessories line based on her ‘pit-bull with lipstick’ style.

For example, unlike factory-made shoes in China, a pair of Sarah Palin’s Baby Harp Seal shoes will be hand-made and uniquely crafted—and, for an additional charge—the customer can even fly to Alaska to meet, bond with, and then club the very seal to be used in the making of their shoes. This would take place during the annual Running of the Baby Harp Seals event held each spring in Wasilla.

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Republican Deer Hunters are Homophobic.

Why? Because they only shoot deer because deer ‘prance’. And they HATE that!

 

They imagine that anything that ‘prancies’ must be gay, when it might just be ‘happy’…  

 

(Note: something or someone could be both happy and gay [in the modern sense of the word] and still not prance; prancing is not exclusive to either happy, gay creatures or happy, hetrosexual beings. Your results may vary. I’m getting confused. Consult your physican if you experience prancing that lasts for more than four hours as it may be a sign of something a doctor would like to charge you for.)

 

…but like most homophobes, the root of their fear is actually a projection of their fear of their own latent homosexuality.

 

Case in point: Some hunters are so afraid they’ll look gay if they dress in a nice sweater and a pair of wool slacks that they develop Chronic Fatigues Syndrome and will wear nothing but camouflage.

 

And my advice to you is never, never, never let a Republican deer hunter near Lipizzan horses while they are performing —they’ll kill every one of them.

 

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The Rise Of The New Republican Age Of Self-Defecation.

On November 5th, the New Age of Democrats will have officially arrived – veni, vidi, vici; they came, the saw, they kicked ass.

 

Conversely, the Bush Republican Age – they came, and were subsequently arrested for doing so in a public restroom, will have ended, and a new—but not improved—Republican Age will have arrived. We already see it in the politics of Sarah Palin and it is set to divide the Republican Party.

 

Normally, I’d be jumping up and down for joy over this, but not this time. It’s not just a ‘the devil you know is better than the one you don’t’ type of regret—the type of schism

Palin’s politics represents threatens all of us; it lowers, further, the bar on what it means to be an American.

 

The first step in this Republican divide was the selection of Palin as McCain’s VP. McCain didn’t make this choice—the Republican leadership did, and for his gelding, McCain chose the popular anesthetic known as “the White House”. And now he’s stuck with an atavistic Republican running mate –a throwback to Joe-the-McCarthy.

 

Rational members of both parties cannot stand Palin, not because she’s a woman, or comes from a small town, or even her Wizard of Oz like pretension regarding her experience in running matters of state. It’s what she represents by her own words that’s objectionable, but a good number of Republicans evidently think with their spleen and love her nonetheless. And so they now have a champion for their toxic politics.

 

After her selection, Palin wasted no time rattling the door to a cage that smells of straw and sweat and feces where a frustrated beast I call “hatriotism” paces back and forth, snarling and waiting to be released on anyone that doesn’t carry it’s stink. With her “Palling around with terrorists” and “Pro-American” parts of the country statements, she’s now opened the door. And she did it with a wink from behind her designer eyewear.

 

Worse still, her ‘Willy Stark in Drag’ style of politics is proving to be a highly infectious contagion among Republican politicians. Just yesterday, Minnesota Rep. Michelle Bachmann called for the major newspapers of this nation to investigate other members of Congress to “find out if they are pro-America or anti-America.”

 

Huh?

 

As one of the ‘true partiots’ of the Homeland, perhaps she’ll next call for every American to take a loyality test, and if they aren’t a Republican, require them to wear a large yellow ‘D’ on their clothing.

 

Neither Bachmann nor Palin will win in November—but they won’t be defeated either. Like coackroaches, there’s always another ready to step up to the microphone and repeat the talking points of ignorance. This new Age of Republicans will be all they can be to de-legitimatize President Obama and the new course America needs to take, even if it means destroying themselves in the process; as Palin told Limbaugh in her interview, “I have nothing to lose.”

 

She’s right, she doesn’t, but we do.

 

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McCain on Palin (not figuratively): “So She’s Just Another Pretty Face? We Are All Pretty Faces Now!”

John McCain lashed out at critics of his VP pick, Sarah Palin, who have called her ’just another pretty face’.

“My friendssss, war is not pretty–unless you can make war from an airplane while wearing lipstick and a little rouge. When I went into battle, not only did I look pretty, I felt pretty. I wore 100% silk stockings–no nylon for this flyboy, and one of those bullet bras from the fifties. That way, I didn’t feel guilty about what I was doing, because I was dressed like a prom queen on every bombing misson. Some times I even flew while in heels – try landing an A-1 Skyraider on a carrier in the Gulf of Tonken in a typhoon with a garter belt riding up your butt cheeks, a broken bra strap, 4″ stiletto heels that keep slipping off the rudder pedal, and a tiara that won’t stay on straight! Let’s see Mr. big man Obama hold his war face under those conditions! I smell cheese! What day is it? You kids stay off my dog—”

He was then suddenly rushed away by ’senior advisors’ dressed as nurses.

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Hunter S. Thompson’s Lost Letter to Bush Found

 

Dear President Bush,

 

I’m afraid it’s become perfectly clear to me and a lot of other people that you’re wasting your time trying to communicate in a language you’ve never mastered and probably never will…especially now, in light of the new information we have on the republican IQ factor…and in trying to salvage your presidential “legacy’.

Most of the people who know you agree that your best chance of increasing your popularity now is to gracefully bow out in a quasi-Japanese method – perhaps by going on an all pretzel diet while watching tennis on TV. We know that you are incapable of swallowing and performing rapid eye movement at the same time, so the activity I described will work out best for all concerned, especially your family. If you happen to survive that, after leaving office, I recommend you live as anonymously as possible, in a Texas border town perhaps, doing what republicans do best in those regions — engaging in the buying and selling of children and snorting of crystal methamphetamine off hunting knives.

When the end comes, I hope you will show some decency by not being an organ donor. No one deserves any part of you lingering within them – who knows what might happen – your situation could be fucking contagious and should not be studied by scientists due to the potential error factor in cloning and whatnot. Better all traces of you be purged from this universe once and for all.

Ciao,

HST

3 Months From Now: ‘Sarah Palin’s Pit-bull with Lipstick Collection’ at Wal-Mart

After Obama and Biden have won the election, and before she returns to Artic Circle anonymity, Sarah Palin will be approached by Wal-Mart to develop a fashion and accessories line based on her ‘pit-bull with lipstick’ style.

For example, unlike factory-made shoes in China, a pair of Sarah Palin’s Baby Harp Seal shoes will be hand-made and uniquely crafted—and, for an additional charge—the customer can even fly to Alaska to meet, bond with, and then club the very seal to be used in the making of their shoes. This would take place during the annual Running of the Baby Harp Seals event held each spring in Wasilla.

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