Category Archives: joe the plummer

10,000 Mickey Mouses Cast Votes in Orlando, Florida.

Just as the Right Wing Nuts predicted, voter fraud is rampant in Florida today.

 

In addition to the 10,000 Mickey’s, exit polls show that nearly 10 million Dumbo’s will vote for John McCain, and 15 million Elmer Fudd’s for Palin.

 

With this sudden and surprising shift to McCain among Disney cartoon characters, John McCain immediately seized the opportunity to get them to vote: “My cartoon friends,” McCain told a rally of cardboard cutouts of Disney characters he hastily assembled for reporters, “Senator Obama is just like ‘Jafar’ in Disney’s 1992 movie, Aladdin. And he is bent on the destruction of Snow White’s all across this great country.”

 

Campaign ‘aides’ dressed as nurses then subdued McCain and led him away.

 

It is now rumored that Oliver Stone is set to direct a Disney movie about the McCain / Palin campaign tentatively titled, “An Extremely Goofy Campaign”. Sarah Palin will be portrayed by Cruella De Vil, while the part of John McCain will be played by Scrooge McDuck.

 

 

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Palin: “The Founding Fathers were Gay Communists.”

 

“They wore wigs and established what they called ‘free public education’,” Palin told a crowd of near-mutants. “Even people who didn’t have children had to contribute tax money to pay for the education of the community’s children—I’m not making this stuff up—and I saw it in a movie once were George Washington was writing a letter with a pen that had a big feather on it. How gay is that?”

 

Someone in the crowd then yelled, “Washington was a fag!”

 

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Sarah Palin’s ‘Pit-Bull with Lipstick’ Collection at Walmart.

After Obama and Biden have won the election, and before she returns to Artic Circle anonymity, Sarah Palin will be approached by Wal-Mart to develop a fashion and accessories line based on her ‘pit-bull with lipstick’ style.

For example, unlike factory-made shoes in China, a pair of Sarah Palin’s Baby Harp Seal shoes will be hand-made and uniquely crafted—and, for an additional charge—the customer can even fly to Alaska to meet, bond with, and then club the very seal to be used in the making of their shoes. This would take place during the annual Running of the Baby Harp Seals event held each spring in Wasilla.

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First Michigan Republican Spotted in Over 2 Weeks

DETROIT – A biologist has confirmed the sighting of a Republican, the small-brained but divisive animal known for its vicious attacks, about 2 weeks after the species was last seen in the state attempting to convince voters there that it knows how to “fix” things other than past elections. Polls show that voters in Michigan essentially adopted the animal as their unofficial State “Bird” by giving the creature the middle finger.

 

The Republican, a member of the weasel family, grows to about 380 pounds when on pain-killers and is ferocious enough to fight off gays, children left behind, persons on Medicare, and the millions who’ve lost jobs in the past 7 years. It once ranged across the southern and mid-western United States but is now limited mostly to lobbyist fund raising parties, Bob Jones College, and Men’s Public Restrooms. In the past is was occasionally sighted at Texas Air National Guard drills, but exhibited AWOL behavior whenever drug testing was present.

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Mickey Mouse Denounces ACORN.

After the 80-year-old Disney star’s name was found on an ACORN voter registration list, Mickey Mouse held a press conference denouncing the ACORN organization as giant vote fraud scheme.

 

“Ah, Hi!” Mickey said to reporters, “I’m here to tell all of you boys and girls that Mickey is voting for John McCain! Yeeah! ACORN claimed it signed me up to vote, but it’s not true – it’s all a scheme to steal the election. I’m voting for John McCain ‘cause Sarah Palin’s got a nice ass.”

 

Mickey was joined by five of the Seven Dwarfs in a show at a McCain / Palin rally this morning. On stage were Bashful, Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy, and Sleazy (who recently changed his name from Sleepy to reflect his support of the Republican presidential campaign).

 

In exchange for the five Dwarfs support, Sarah Palin gave them all a special treat. All at the same time. This broke Sarah’s personal record–for dwarfs. She also promised to name her next five children after them, which wasn’t really that big of a deal because she was going to do that anyway.

 

The other two remaining Seven Dwarfs, Doc (who’s educated) and Happy, are both Obama supporters.

 

With this sudden and surprising jump in the polls among Disney cartoon characters, John McCain immediately rolled out his typical Pander Express stump speech (with just a hint of racism): “My cartoon friends,” McCain told a rally of cardboard cutouts of Disney characters he hastily assembled for reporters, “Senator Obama is just like ‘Jafar’ in your creator’s 1992 movie, Aladdin. And he is bent on the destruction of Snow White’s all across this great land.”

 

Campaign ‘aides’ dressed as nurses then subdued McCain and led him away.

 

It is now rumored that Oliver Stone is set to direct a Disney movie about the McCain / Palin campaign tentatively titled, “An Extremely Goofy Campaign”. Sarah Palin will be portrayed by Cruella De Vil, while the part of John McCain will be played by Scrooge McDuck.