Category Archives: inauguration

First Sighting of Republican Who Admits Voting for Bush Sighted in 4 years!

DETROIT – A biologist has confirmed the sighting of a ‘Republican who voted for Bush’, the small-brained but divisive animal known for its vicious attacks, about 2 weeks after the species was last seen in the state attempting to convince voters there that it knows how to “fix” things other than past elections. Polls show that voters in Michigan essentially adopted the animal as their unofficial State ”Bird” by giving the creature the middle finger.

 

The Republican, a member of the weasel family, grows to about 380 pounds when on pain-killers and is ferocious enough to fight off gays, children left behind, persons on Medicare, and the millions who’ve lost jobs in the past 7 years. It once ranged across the southern and mid-western United States but is now limited mostly to lobbyist fund raising parties, Bob Jones College, and Men’s Public Restrooms. In the past is was occasionally sighted at Texas Air National Guard drills, but exhibited AWOL behavior whenever drug testing was present.

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Hunter S. Thompson’s Letter to Bush Found!

Dear President Bush,

 

I’m afraid it’s become perfectly clear to me and a lot of other people that you’re wasting your time trying to communicate in a language you’ve never mastered and probably never will…especially now, in light of the new information we have on the republican IQ factor…and in trying to salvage your presidential “legacy’.

 

Most of the people who know you agree that your best chance of increasing your popularity now is to gracefully bow out in a quasi-Japanese method – perhaps by going on an all pretzel diet while watching tennis on TV. We know that you are incapable of swallowing and performing rapid eye movement at the same time, so the activity I described will work out best for all concerned, especially your family. If you happen to survive that, after leaving office, I recommend you live as anonymously as possible, in a Texas border town perhaps, doing what republicans do best in those regions — engaging in the buying and selling of children and snorting of crystal methamphetamine off hunting knives.
When the end comes, I hope you will show some decency by not being an organ donor. No one deserves any part of you lingering within them – who knows what might happen – your situation could be f&%king contagious and should not be studied by scientists due to the potential error factor in cloning and whatnot. Better all traces of you be purged from this universe once and for all.

Ciao,

HST

EXCLUSIVE! Bush’s Note to Obama!

Dear Barack Osama,

 

Good luck cleanin’ up the mess I made – I done it on purpose! Anyway, I am about to enter what is called the “private’s sector”, meanin’ I might have to go to work for my daddy agin but he already told me to take a flying F at the moon. So I pondered where I might best eek out a livin’ and it suddenly came to me: I’m gonna work on Wall Street. So here’s your chance to get in on the ground floor of the George Dubya Bush Hedge Hog Fund. I gararntee you’ll get a return on your vestment cause I got experience with the ‘conomy and stuff. Or, I  might become a military advisory for the State of Alaska after Sarah Palin declares there interdepenacy.

 

-Dubya

 

P S – the White House pool water is treated with a special chemical what causes the water around you to turn bright red if you relieve your bladder (pee) while in the pool. Ol’ Clinton neglected to tell me that back in 2000, but I thought I’d give you a better start on your presidency than what I got.

 

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