Serial Killer: “I’ll Vote for McCain if it Kills You.”

The murder trial of Dale Shawn Hausner, 35, charged with being one of Arizona’s most prolific serial killers and responsible for dozens of grisly murders, was to begin this Wednesday. However, Hausner’s attorney, Robert DeNial, argued a motion to delay the trial so that Hausner, a life-long Republican, can watch the GOP Convention without interruption from his jail cell in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men, State Farm Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona.

“Although I have lived what one might call a ‘checkered past’ lately, I have been a loyal Republican all my life, and as such I am a God-fearing ‘Merican who wants to hear John McCain and Sarah Palin’s plans for how they will stop illegal immigrants from burning American flags at Gay Pride marches. And I’d like to be released so that I can be one of the other hockey-masked MoFo’s who shouts death to Obama from my pussy seat in the backrow, hidden from the light of day”

The judge listen to both Hausner’s pleas and DeNail’s arguments, carefully considered the motion, and then replied, “OK then.”

Hausner also tried after his arrest on 11 charges of murder to help in the McCain campaign, calling from his jail cell and explaining his circumstances to a McCain campaign aide.

“I tried to volunteer, but the guy at the McCain campaign headquarters in Tempe said they weren’t that desperate yet, that I’d have to wait until next week, but that I could donate a few bucks as long as it couldn’t be proven that the money came from any of my victims. Damn lawyers screwed me again.”

The McCain campaign denied rumors that they are considering dumping Sarah Palin and replacing her with Hausner. “Like I told Hausner,” a McCain spokeperson told reporters, “we’ll see how the polls go next week, then decide what’s best for America. Hausner would help us get the State Hospital inmate vote, that’s for sure.”

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5 responses to “Serial Killer: “I’ll Vote for McCain if it Kills You.”

  1. bushgirlsgonewild

    Well, thanks, considering only his name is real – the rest was invented to protect the innocent children from my satire…

  2. murrowcronkite

    I’m sad that this piece is fictional if that’s what you are stating above.
    The way the grampa McCain campaign is unraveling into uncharted waters of indefineable lunacy lately, this would almost be good news.

  3. bushgirlsgonewild

    Don’t be sad – McCain is toast.

  4. Pingback: serial killer voting for McCain over your dead body! - Anabolex Forums

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