McCain Vows to Fight On in Michigan for Next 100 Years.

“My friends, even though my campaign has cut and run, I am staying until I win, even if that takes 100 years,” McCain told a clearly disappointed Michigan crowd.

“Although everyone says it’s a mistake and the people of Michigan clearly don’t want me here, I’m staying because I won’t raise the white flag of defeat like some diaper that needs changing.” 

Reporters and voters aren’t sure what he meant by that. Cindy McCain, standing near by, did. All too well. 

“What we need here in Michigan is a ‘surge’ like we had in Iraq, ” McCain continued. “So first, we need to establish the same pre-conditions for the surge to work: 

One: I’ll throw the state into chaos and wait until hundreds of thousands of people have died and things can’t get any worse. 

Two: I’m going to have as many of the Democrats removed from their neighborhoods and either shot, put into Abu Ghraib Prison, or chased into Syria. 

Three: I’ll bring in Iraq tribal leader Muqtada al-Sadr and his men and pay them a butt load of money to keep the peace.

Four: I won’t let any reporters into the state to find out what’s really happening. 

Five: The trouble with Michigan, is that it’s full of Scots!” 

No one in the crowd seemed to understand. Joe Lieberman who was standing nearby, whispered something to McCain. 

“Err, I mean, it’s full of Democrats!” McCain smiled. Everyone sort of clapped and laughed weakly. “If I can’t get them out, I’ll breed them out. So, effective immediately, I’m going to invoke the ancient feudal customer of prima noctes. The principle reason I choose Sarah Palin for my VP is that she seems to be fine incubator for Republicans, so I’ll start the process with her. Sorry, Cindy, but you’re out.”

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