Palin: “I’MBOUNDFORTHEPROMISEDLAND! HIMMNEE-MOMMA-BLAHBLAH, YA-YOUBETCHA!”

  

 

 

In an effort to silence critics who claim Palin is not qualified to be a heart beat away from the Presidency, the McCain campaign announced today that in all future interviews, including Thursday night’s Vice Presidential debate, Sarah Palin will ONLY speak in ‘Tongues’.

 

‘Tongues’, or Glossolalia, is practiced in many Pentecostal churches, including the one Palin belongs to in Wasilla, Alaska. As church member Caroline Cabinfever explained it to CNN, “When the spirit of the Lord comes on you, you utter things that nobody else can understand … only God can understand what is coming out of your mouth.”

 

“Up to this point,” a McCain campaign spokesperson told reporters, “we admit that we should have been upfront and clear about something: most of what Sarah Palin says is being spoken in Tongues. That’s why reporters often don’t understand her – it’s not that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, it’s just that she loves Jesus, the Lord of our God, so very, very much. And, truthfully, the godless, liberal media doesn’t want to bother translating what she’s said into their elitist, Euro-trash English language.”

 

This new revelation may help Palin in several respects, an Obama spokesperson admitted.

 

“With this news, McCain and Palin will definitely lock up the vote in West Virginia. And during the debate Thursday night, with Joe Biden being a Catholic, if she starts babbling incoherently, he may demand equal time or an exorcism. That could disrupt the debate.”

 

When asked if Palin would be carrying snakes around her neck during the debate, a McCain spokesperson said, “that’s still being negotiated with the Obama campaign.”

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s