Bristol Palin to Unborn Baby: “Who’s Yer Daddy?”

ANCHORAGE, Alaska–The presidential campaign of Sen. John McCain announced yesterday that Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter, Bristol, 17, is pregnant. McCain immediately denied any involvement. Bristol immediately said, “oooohh, gross!”

In a statement, Sarah Palin (doing a spot on impersonation of Tina Fey) said, “It’s truly a blessing. No really, it is, because she’s still a virgin. So the only explanation is that the Lord has intervened, or she went swimming in the Anchorage Public Swimming Pool. Of course, if it were the latter, she’d also have some kind of severe fungal infection as well. Senator McCain and I stand firmly against fungal infections for all Americans.”

“Although I refuse to believe it, Bristol has provided me with a list of 57 young men who might be the father, including the Lord. But unless the little rug rat is born with a ring of light around his head and can walk across his bathwater, somebody is gonna marry my daughter—and I don’t care if harelips the entire State of Alaska and half the Yukon Territory in the process.”

Mark Okeson, the assistant principal at Wasilla High School, said Bristol started her junior year there last fall, in the town where Sarah Palin grew up, but Bristol transferred to an Anchorage high school mid-year. He blames “those Anchorage boys”.

“Bristol was always an excellent student and popular. Very popular” he said. “She was fun to be around, ran in lots of circles. Mostly because one leg is six inches shorter than the other.”

Bristol’s best friend, Amy Rainbowtrout, said, “She was getting, like, straight A’s in our school’s Sexual Abstinence program. Guess she’s gonna flunk the final exam now.”

 

 

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One response to “Bristol Palin to Unborn Baby: “Who’s Yer Daddy?”

  1. your a America hater.

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