DETROIT – A biologist has confirmed the sighting of a Republican, the small-brained but divisive animal known for its vicious attacks, about 2 weeks after the species was last seen in the state attempting to convince voters there that it knows how to “fix” things other than past elections. Polls show that voters in Michigan essentially adopted the animal as their unofficial State ”Bird” by giving the creature the middle finger.
The Republican, a member of the weasel family, grows to about 380 pounds when on pain-killers and is ferocious enough to fight off gays, children left behind, persons on Medicare, and the millions who’ve lost jobs in the past 7 years. It once ranged across the southern and mid-western United States but is now limited mostly to lobbyist fund raising parties, Bob Jones College, and Men’s Public Restrooms. In the past is was occasionally sighted at Texas Air National Guard drills, but exhibited AWOL behavior whenever drug testing was present.
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